Here is an excerpt from a new book i'm working on for November, tentatively called "Definitely Not Addicted" - like most things i post here on this sight this is a first draft and has not yet been edited or nuffin.
How do I feel right now? Check it.
Not so bad but I guess it could be better.
Drunk so much that the things that I forgot
Are almost better than the ones I can remember.
Now, the intention is to move away from the booze. But still shitting over what I might be missing or could lose.
So rather than saying ill give it all up forever
Ill just try to step away for the month of November.
The point of this text is for times when I forget
And let my mind begin to argue all the reasons I should drink.
When that starts to happen, as I’m certain that it will
I can look back at what I’ve written and be given cause to think.
One of the things with feeling bad is
It doesn’t last forever and I never can remember why I did.
Then I tend to repeat old patterns and surprised each time it happens
And I’m sad again having just blown my lid.
So this is a page for me to read and remember
That I chose to stay sober for the length of November
Just to see if I feel different when it’s over?
Or if everything’s the same old ups and downs,
The highs and crippling lows.
But right now I’ve made my mind up for a reason
And I’m aware that this might not apply in a few weeks
But at this very moment it seems like the answer to a problem
So at least, for this month to come – the party will be stopping
And focus on my progress
though it’s like watching the grass grow
It will show up better at the end of round a month or so.
And on a hot day when the sun goes down
And there seems to be no limit to the sex and fun around
Ill probably start asking what the point is not joining the circus?
Remind me I’m trying something new to see if it works.
I’ve played the game of chasing rabbits into wonderland
That’s where I met Alice who slapped me around the head
That left my ears ringing and stars blooming into sight
I wont pretend, not for a second we didn’t have a good time.
Left me stinging when I clamoured all the way back up to earth
Now every time I visit it just gets a little worse,
And like two steps forward and one step back
I’m tired of chasing rabbits every weekend for a laugh.
I’m keen to see what happens when I look to the horizon
And keep moving with a purpose without swerving off the lines
So check it out. Check this, next time I want to get pissed
Every time I want to party I’ll look back on what this is.
A simple promise can’t be broken when it’s written to myself.
Signed it right down at the bottom giving no option to welsh.
And the only thing I’m putting on the line is my own word If I can’t trust that I cant trust anything I’ve heard.
I’m excited to look back to this moment now in a month with a hopefully fresh perspective, an objective moving on. TG 1/11/19